Slices Of Life

Yes, i do. :)

2010-02-11T02:33:00.002+08:00

My answer.

2010-02-09T02:13:00.002+08:00

Someone asked me yesterday.
"Are you trying so hard to move on?"

To move on has never been easy.
But I am not trying hard to move on.
Cos I have never forced myself to do so.
I've chosen to move on,
not because I've stopped loving you.
I still do have feelings for you.
But I ain't gonna wait anymore cos it seems
you still haven't learn to appreciate me.
I surrender to fate when it is about us.
I ain't gonna put my hopes so high just to have it shattered in the end.
I hope you understand.

And Boy, I think I got your message.
One day, when you're ready, you want to come back to me and you hope I'll still be there.
I ain't a thing, I am a human being.
I'll fall in love anytime while waiting for you.
Do you even know waiting for you makes me pretty miserable?
Yes, i am miserable all these while.
Now, think.
Aren't you being selfish to do this to me?

I choose to set myself free.
Cos i believe LIFE has more than this.
I wasted so much time being depressed over what happened us.
I don't want to continue doing that.
I am sorry but I have to move on without you.

I am happier this way.
Cos I've learnt to accept, appreciate.
and love someone new.

I hope one day, you'll find the happiness you have been seeking all these while.
Don't worry, I have never hated you for hurting me.
I've long forgiven you.
Thank you for being a part of life once ago. Thank you for all the memories shared. You've earned a special place in my heart and i truly appreciate your presence in my life. Once again, thank you so much. Like you used to say on my 19th birthday, believe in fate. You might never know one day, Fate will bring us back together again. I'll end it here. All the best. Take care and goodbye. :)

I don't get you.

2010-02-09T02:07:00.000+08:00

I can't for now but will keep on trying.

2010-02-04T02:38:00.001+08:00

You've made me smile today.

2010-02-04T00:48:00.004+08:00

and I hope this time, it'll never be a mistake.

AND I HOPE YOU'RE THE ONE.

:)

2010-02-03T02:28:00.005+08:00

Right now.
It sucks.
I don't even think I should be in a ____________.
Cos I am treating him effing different.
Seriously, I _____.
Okay, fullstop.

Too wrong.

2010-02-02T22:18:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I know I am just too complicated,
I am ridiculous.
I just miss those moments when it was all about you and me.
Our beautiful moments together, too many of it just keep appearing on my mind.
Those images are just pulling me back.
FUCK IT.
I miss seeing you playing your games.
I miss buying you drink while you were playing your games.
I miss folding your clothes nicely while you were bathing after your games.
I miss seeing you wearing your number 5 jersey.
I miss your smell, your sweaty looks.

I miss those times when i have someone ordering food and drink for me.
I miss those times when i have someone carrying my stuffs every time.
I miss those times when i have someone waiting for me even though i am super late.
I miss those times when i have someone following me buying my stuffs, even if it was my make up stuffs and my toiletries.
I miss those times when i have someone wearing the same color of clothing when we are just plainly going out together.
I miss those times when i have you by myself when i am so stressed up,, when i am sad, when i am fucked up and etc.
I miss those times when i have a bad dream late at night and you were there to calm me down.
I miss those times when we had our web cam sessions almost everyday.
I miss those times , seeing you doing your push ups during our web cam sessions.
I miss those times, having you pampering me like i'm a small kid.
I miss those times when we quarreled but in the end, we made out.
I miss those times when you left me so many missed calls and msges just to get me back.
I miss those times when you were still mine and I was still yours.
FUCK.
Fuck all of it.
I hate those images sticking on my mind.
OH MY.

I hate itttttttttttttttt!

Monday Blues.

2010-02-01T16:06:00.004+08:00

Freaking Freak Attitude Of YOURS.
Make me so pissed off early in the morning.
You flared up at me when it's not even MY FUCKING FAULT.
I have nothing more with you, so what's the point of you being so fucked up with what they've said to you?
Yes, they are wrong to do all that.
It's them. I know nothing. For heaven's sake, I don't plan for such things to happen.
So stop treating me like i ain't a human.
Now, tell me.
Why should i be nice to YOU anymore when you freaking hell treat me like _____ ?
Okay, i am super pissed at YOU.
FOR THE LAST TIME, BEAR THIS IN YOUR MIND. I KNOW NOTHING AT ALL.

What a nice start of the week.
Ruined AGAIN.
Thank you.
FULLSTOP.

Boyfriend has started his work.
I am glad.
It's time to make things right again.
But oh my, I am bored.
And yes, I miss him. :)

I am random, always, I know.
But i just feel so effing glad that I've found him.
Who will be able to stand with my nonsense?
Who will entertain me when I am super down with what have happened to my previous relationship?
Who will want to hold my hand still when i always choose to let his go?
Who will want to love me still when he knows I am confused and unsure of my feelings towards him?
Who will be able to be so patient to endure with me and my stupid past talks?
Thank God for sending me him, :)

Baby,
I'm truly sorry for my ridiculous stupid mistakes.
Honestly, you have never really hurt me.
But I am the one who do so. ( I KNOW.)
Yet, you have never chose to walk away from me, neither to give up on me.
Seriously, you're amazing.
Truly amazing that I have this feeling I can never find someone like you ever again.
I am such an idiot for walking away from you too many times when you have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to hurt me.
I am stupid not to appreciate you since the day we are together.
But i will from now onwards.
I love you baby. :)

FULLSTOP!

Fuck. Im ridiculous.

2010-01-31T04:09:00.003+08:00

Fuck it. I hate it so much when past memories hit my mind.
I hate remembering every single thing about YOU.
I am a fool, I am ridiculous.
I waited for you, just in the end, to get my hopes all crushed again.
:)

All those moments are making me cry.
I have a feeling you've changed.
but why is it always my fate like this?
I sacrificed so much, just in the end, i didn't get to feel those changes.
How ridiculous and unfair these could be.

------------------------.

New beginning.

2010-01-30T02:21:00.008+08:00

Hello earthling-s. :)
Sorry for going M.I.A again.
But I am back.

Went to Shafiq's birthday party.
Shida and Ramadhan were there too.
Had fun. :)
Pictures are all over! Teehheee.
( Due to my laziness, there are only 3 pictures in total.)
End of it, Baby came and fetched me. HOME SWEET HOME.

Life hasn't been good for me.
But still, I am contented with whatever I have.
The only feelings i have right now are,
PISSED, MAD AND CONFUSED.

Sometimes, i share my problems with one or two girl friends of mine.
I trusted them/her to not spread my problems around.
There are reasons why I have chosen them or her to share with.
But right now, those trust that i have given to them/her, I have chosen to take it away.
I am never gonna share a single thing with her/then anymore.
Ever.
I am gonna settle it by myself.
Friends, yes we still are.
But there's a limit to the things we shared.
It's not gonna be the same anymore.
I am sorry but I just can never trust you AS YET.
BUT I NEVER KNOW IF IT'LL CHANGE IN THE FUTURE.

CONFUSED.
It's a new year, how i wish my past will not linger.
But i failed to do so, it lingers still.
Your existence threatened this heart of mine.
No matter how much you have hurt me, still those feelings I have never faded.
But one thing for sure, i will never pursue the feeling.
Your confusion led me to an answer.
An answer that I have been waiting for so long.
Who am i to you?
I got it, I am just a companion.
I was here all along since October.
Waiting for you to change but you had fallen for another in the nick of time.
She left you for another guy.
And you came, searching for me.
Shedding your tears, accompany you here and there.
I did, hoping you could give us another chance.
But today, I've realized for the last time.
that she is still the one you've always thought about.
and a place in your heart is still hers.
Although you've been with me for 18 months, but it doesn't worth much that being with her only as a date for less than a month.
Hurt it is but I have accepted the fact that I am just a temporary companion till you find the right one.
But whatever it is, i just hope you are strong enough to seek for your happiness.
I don't want to see you down anymore.
I am here only a friend for you.
I have chosen to move on and leave our memories behind.
Though i still love you so much, I know it is best to stop hoping and move on.
Though you still say you love me, I know it's only a temporary feeling.
All the best for you and I hope you wish me the same.
( but still i wonder, why God put you near to me when it's all over. I wonder why God always revolves your life around me? )

Again it hurts but I am happy.
Cos again, someone do love me so much.
It takes time to love him like i used to love you.
But i believe this feeling for him will change.
I am starting to see there's something in him that will unlock my heart once again.
But again, this fear is in me.
Only time will tell.
Meanwhile, I'll appreciate all that are given to me.
and i hope, my family will forget about my ex boyfriend.
and accept the new person in my life right now.
:)

You.
Get up from where you have fallen.
Stand up again.
I know you ain't weak.
Ive always look up on you.
Don't disappoint me.
You still have a life ahead.
Please get back to real life.
Stop getting your mind and heart messed up.
Cos if one day, you get it straightened back, it maybe too late.
:)

and you.
I hope you're the one.
;)

Thank you.

2009-12-26T02:52:00.003+08:00

Your words are just words.
To think that i believe all those sms-es you've sent me, telling me you would wait for me.
Telling me, you would be there to take care of me till your last breath.
I believed those words of yours till I saw all those comments.
I believed those words of yours though my friends kept telling me to let you go.
I believed and waited.
And at last, God has opened my eyes to see all these.
Your love is just temporary, your love towards me is only because of the loneliness you feel inside your heart.
I am the dumb one.
I am the stupid one.
I am the silly one.
I waited for your comeback, just in the end, you already cared for someone else.
and that care change to love, just in a nick of time.

It's true he says that I am stupid.
I let you take chances over and over again.
You did so many mistakes, I kept forgiving.
But he woke me up, where was all the respect for me gone to throughout this relationship?
Where was all the proof that you had changed when you kept doing the same mistake?
I wanted you to change, yet i didn't taught you a good lesson.
I should have left long time ago but i didn't.
Cos i needed you so much.

My biggest regret for making you my life.
You should just be a part of it, not the whole.
When you chose to leave, my whole entire life gone haywire.
And now it's time for me to get pass my fears and get in step with life.

Thank you so much for making a mess in my life.
You are happy with someone else right now, and i am here clearing up the mess.
But I know I ain't alone.
Life is unfair but still, I have wonderful peeps and a supportive family to go through this life with.
To them, I shall give my best too.
With them, I share a part of my life with.
I'll cherish them just like how they will cherish me.
I am contented.
:)

and thanks a lot to seri ridhayu and muhammad izzuddin.
The conference call we had, had made me open up to many different perceptions. :)

Easy said than done.

2009-12-23T01:33:00.002+08:00

Just came back from work.
One full shift completed, many more full shifts to go.
I know I ain't myself as yet, but I am trying my best to recover.
Somehow, my mind just telling me to work almost everyday.
And so, I work like no one business.
The best way to stop me from thinking those things,
from feeling so hurt,
from feeling so lousy,
from feeling so shitty,
from feeling so lost on my own,
is to make myself occupied almost everyday.
Work, work, work.
I am exhausted but still, this feeling of emptiness overcomes me at the end of the day.
I remain strong cos I know my friends are looking forward to see my smile.
I remain strong cos I want to be there for my dear ones.
I remain strong cos I know they still need me.

I can't sleep, I can't breathe when your shadow is all over me.
I don't want to be a fool in your eyes cos I know all that we have built never meant to last.
Damn, I don't want to feel the way that i do.
I JUST HAVE TO KEEP PUSHING MYSELF HARDER.

TO XXX_;
I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
WHAT I KNOW IS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW A SINGLE THING WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH.
SIMPLY SAID THAN DONE.

You were once my life.

2009-12-20T23:13:00.003+08:00

I try to remain strong every time I receive a message from you, telling me about her.
I try to hold back my tears, I try to be happy for you cos all that matters to me are your happiness.
You telling me, her smile is for you, your smile is for her.
But you never will know, your smile is my smile.
You telling me, you are sent to her, to change her and she is sent to you to heal the scar in your heart.
But you never will wake up and realize, how much I've sacrificed to change you into who you are right now, neither will you realize those sacrifices I've done to make you change, have left a bigger scar on my heart.
It is so easy for you to bid a farewell, it is so easy for you to say that you already have someone else as your strength, that just show how much I meant to you.

I don't know why I am feeling this way.
But I feel terribly lousy and down.
You don't even apologize for those bullshits you've done to me.
Your ego stabs my heart.
You don't even want to admit all those words in your messages don't mean a thing.
Your ego stinks so much.

The worst among your doings, you don't even appreciate all those sacrifices I've done for you.
Now, I've figured it all out.
I really don't mean a thing to you.
but still, you were once a part of my life.
A part of my everything.

:)

Deep in my heart, is a prayer for your happiness.
All the best for your future and hers.

Sincerely,
Nurul Syafiqah.

You left. Period.

2009-11-06T03:54:00.003+08:00

I thought I was the one who would make the decision.
The decision of who I want to be with.
But no, you determined it for me.
Fuck it, again. Why are you meddling with my life?
You selfish freak. You only think about others, but not me. NOT me at all.
18 months. I thought you were trying so hard to win me back.
But no, you've chosen to take a step back and threw all that we have built together.
If you knew it that you were going to make this decision, why on earth you had always been wanting to hold my hands, hug me tight in your arms and kiss me?
Tell me now, what are all that for?
You brought hope that we could patch things up but in the end, you destroyed it all.
You are one self-centred person. This is the easy way out right?
Well, thank you.
Thank you so much for your wish to me and him.
I totally appreciate it.
I am happy. I truely am. :)
Don't ask me to make a decision in the first place when you have already made it for me.

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LEAD ME TO THIS CONFUSION!
I am done. I am gonna to forget about you.
No more tears. I am just gonna be strong.
Give the other person a chance cos Ive given you enough.
From this post onwards, I no longer know you.
You are my past. A past that I don't even want to talk about anymore.
I don't even want to think about anymore.
I let go, just like you do.
:)

Old peeps.

2009-10-27T10:03:00.007+08:00

The top 2 pictures are Syafiq and Yadiy.
The bottom 2 pictures are Izzuddin and Fahiq.
:)

Yadiy had been the one advising me but i just refused to listen.
He was once my good friend but I ignored him.
His smses, i didnt want to reply.
His calls, i rejected.
Besfy, Im sorry for abandoning you all these while.
Ive made a comeback and you aren't even mad at me.
Thank you for accepting me as your friend back.

syafiq,
uve been such a good friend too.
thank you for making me smile so wide for your ridiculous acts.
LOL.

bottom 2 pictures.
2 cute boys doing survey.
haha.
:)

To my ex boyfy.
Only after we are over, you want to think about all those moments we have shared.
Why didn't you think when you did all those ridiculous mistakes?
fuck you. Where did you put me?
You said this, " You are always in my heart."
Damn you. If i was in your heart, would you do this bullshit to me?
Ive been so patient for 18 months.
I kept forgiving you and you just stepped over my head.
You took away my freedom, you didn't even let me befriend my secondary school mates.
You scolded me almost everyday, I swallowed it all.
Now, we are over.
Don't ever do it.
I've nothing more with you.
I ain't gonna listen to your bullshit.
You want to cut yourself.
Grow up, think for others.
Don't be selfish.
You really have made me go haywire for weeks.
NOW, LEAVE ONCE AND FOR ALL.
I HAVE ENOUGH!

Thanks to these people.

2009-10-22T10:59:00.012+08:00

Thank you to these people that have been there for throughout my bad times.

Thank you for helping me to get back on my feet after a great fall.

Your advices, I will remember.

I apologized that I took time to absorb those advices into my stubborn brain.

Thank you once again to these people:

-Seri Ridhayu

-Samsiah

-Safiuddin

-Izzuddin

-Fahiq

and yes, I knew I had been so irritating for days.

When i was in mess, you guys brought me to a calm place for me to think it through.

Let me let it all out to you people and even, gave me good advices.

When i was craving for mac, you guys accompanied me to buy, and even sat down, entertaining me while i was eating.

When i cried, you people saw it and even comforted me.

Without you people, I am totally lost.

Thank you once again for these moments.

I try to remain strong.

2009-10-14T12:06:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry to leave this relationship.
I'm sorry to those who have wished us to last.
I'm sorry to my parents, I let them down.
I'm sorry to his parents, I let them down.
But just this once, I want to think for myself.
I make mistakes but i swear, I never meant for it to happen.
I make mistakes, but i swear, I want to change and be a better person.
I confessed it all. I did all I could to save us.
But I am not happy anymore like i used to.
I must admit, making this decision, I am getting weaker.
It feels as if Ive lose everything.
Ive lose my directions.
But if i were to stay, it would hurt me more.
I make mistakes. I want to change.
All i need is you to hold my hands, keep supporting me.
But you have demoralized me.
I feel dirty. I feel useless.
The worst, I feel, I don't deserve to be with you.
I am really at a losing end.
My heart hurts so badly.
Ive chosen to end this for real.
Let me move on.
Let time heal me.

It feels like a total nightmare. :'(

I think I know WHY.

2009-10-04T13:22:00.005+08:00

These pictures were taken on 3 October 2009.
The day I went out with boyfriend and his ite simei mates for Hari Raya.
These people really remind me of my Pizza Hut Familia.
Loud, funny. Kecoh Kecoh Giler, I like. :)

None.

2009-09-28T01:22:00.004+08:00

Boyfriend is so cute I know. Especially, when he wore pink baju kurung.
Touching sungguh, aku punye pasal die pakai pink kalar tahun ni. LOL.
Sayang you manyak-manyak lah bb.

Yesterday was a busy day.
My mum made an open house for my dad's side.
They all came. So did, my boyfriend.
He was invited by my parents.
My mum misses him more than I do.
Bb, don't steal my mummy away okay!
Boyfriend was so nervous and he nearly choked when my mum introduced him to the rest of the family members on my dad's side.
Susah manyak susah lorr. Da tk lei tukar boyfriend lagi. Ni part mesti boyfriend aku manyak sukerr. Aku tau! -_-.
BANYAK SUSAH LARRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Randomly Updated Cos Im Bored.

2009-09-27T11:38:00.006+08:00

Babe. Im here for you.

2009-09-03T03:25:00.000+08:00

For my bitch.
I know it hurts you so much.
I know you've sacrificed many things and I've seen your changes for him.
I can't answer you why he has done all those shits to you.
Even if you were to ask him, he would say he didn't know.
But I hope you are wise enough to think what is the best for you.
I don't want to see you get hurt by any jerks.
He does not have the right to hurt you.
He does not have the right to bring you down.
Never will but i know, right now, you're feeling so worse.
Bitch, don't blame yourself, you've given your best to him.
You ain't in the wrong. He has his own sense.
He knows what he must do and what he must never do.
I'm never going to encourage you to break up with him.
If he is your source of strength, if he is the one your heart has chosen,
don't give up on him. Furthermore, human beings will always make stupid mistakes.
To admit it, it is never easy. It needs courage to do so, and he has admitted it all to you.
Swallow his mistakes, forgive him and lead him. He needs you as much as you do need him.
Give him a chance if there's still love.
But if you don't have faith that things will work out between you and him,
it is best to let him go.
Bitch,
whatever decision you've made, you have my support.
Do meet up soon!
Beep me up okay!

Love,
Your bitch.

Off day.

2009-09-02T02:06:00.000+08:00

Yesterday.
Woke up at 10am.
Went out with mum and little sister to a few places.
Reached home ard 3.30pm.
and i dozed off till break fast time.
Woke up and eat my food.
Back to sleep again till 11pm.
Woke up and entertained boyfy.
Basically, that's all.
Tomorrow i am back on shift again.
:)

None.

2009-08-31T02:38:00.001+08:00

All i want is to feel better after a bad day.
All i want is to feel your love, care and concern.
But ending up, you assuming i talk so much and you shall keep quiet.
I don't know it is wrong to share my thoughts with you.
I'm sorry for the wrong i have done today.
I promise you, i will keep quiet, pretending everything is going so great for me.
I promise you, i will not share my thoughts with you again.
I promise you, i will keep everything to myself.
I'm sorry once again.

Ive no one else other than you, my better half for me to talk to.
Cos to me, you just know how to comfort me when i am feeling so rotten and down.
You just know how to make me smile after all those tears i have shed.
You are a miracle in my life.
and that miracle seems to be no more.
Now, who shall i go to, to pour what's in my heart?
Now, who shall i go to, to share my thoughts?
Now, who shall i go to, to make me smile after my cry?
Now, who shall i go to, to make me feel better after hearing things that make me feel so rotten?

I am strong.
I am strong.
I shall just keep it all to myself.
:)

boy oh boy.

2009-08-26T01:05:00.003+08:00

I MISS THIS GUY.

I MISS THIS GUY SO BADLY.

BOYFY, DO U EVEN MISS ME?

No title.

2009-08-26T00:02:00.004+08:00

No more exams.
Im so happy.
Been waiting and wanting this holiday.
And here it comes.
Tomorrow, Im off to working life.
So much better.
School is such a struggle cos i dont really enjoy it.
Except for the friends i have there, other than that, it is such a bored.

Sometimes, i feel so uncomfortable when you share with me what's going on with your current life cos u used to be a a part of my daily life.
Sometimes, im just so curious, i keep wanting to know how you and her doing.
But i just realised, it is better to keep me in the dark.
Cos i hate it when you're just contradicting yourself.
I guess every guy does that.
I rmmber what youve said to me, guess you dont mean it all.
You said I was the one who made you felt so differently and that you needed me badly.
You said you would always loved me and be so willing to wait for me.
Now, you say the same things to her.
What you did with me, you did to her too.
I guess youre just another jerk who always talk bullshit to a girl.
I despise you.
Really. Please go away.
I really wished you didnt entered my life, even as my past.
Hope youre happy with her. :)

I wonder why he treats me so differently from all his ex girlfys.
I wonder why he hurts me far so much than he does to his ex girlfys.
I wonder why whatever that he has done with them, he doesnt do it with me.
Maybe im just thinking too much but i cant stop thinking.
Is this a good change or it just means something else?

i simply dont understand you.
what the hell youre thinking you doing.
i didnt text you, you said i didnt care about you.
when i did, you just ignored my smses.
what exactly do you want?
fill me in.
stop judging me now with the mistakes ive done in the past.
theres no more you and me.
thats a fucking old story.
move on.
dont turn back. never look for me again.
im so sicked and tired of your attitude.

i need my luck back.
i need my miracles back.
i need it all right now.
:)

Endure with me.

2009-08-24T22:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I am just super direct.
Especially, when I think I'm just being treated like a whole bullshit.
Have to endure others when they are at their disastrous state but when it comes to my worst, they can't even endure.
The best part, they will start simply point their fingers to me.
I can't take this anymore and I just have to let it out.

My directness appears only when I need to.
I will not be so harsh when I don't have to.
But when i am harsh and direct, there will be a reason.
I can't take it being treated like no one anymore.
For heaven's sake, I am some one and I have feelings.
In my dictionary, there are no words like selfish, disrespect, irresponsible and etc.
Words that don't have any values in my life.
I don't lead my life that way. Used to but NO MORE.
Blame me if you want for my harsh-ness.
Blame me if you want for being so direct to you.
I need to point out what you should and you shouldn't do.
My intentions are clear, I want you to learn from what has happened and not to repeat it.
But still, it is up to you.
Ive done my part.
Im not that matured. Im not so grown up.
But I have my share of learning in life.
All the things i've shared with you, i share it sincerely.
I need no return from you at all.
I need no better treatment from you at all.
I just hope, you've learnt something at the end of the day.

Here is a little note for Yanah.
I've forgiven you all this while.
But I'm just a normal girl.
Forgetting is hard as I am really hurt by your actions.
But need not worry, I'm not hating you nor bearing any grudges towards you.
Ill just pray of the best for you.
Don't let your parents down.
Importantly, don't let yourself down.
I have faith in you.

Okay.
I am done.
Get back to my studies.
One more Understanding Test.
Weeeeeeeeeeee!
Off to holiday.

Probability Sucks.

2009-08-24T03:25:00.000+08:00

Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
Never mind. Now, im not fasting. So it's okay.
I hate probability.
I can never understand.
goodness. Who invented maths is so stupid.
You make my life so difficult and miserable.
-_-
Please. Please. Please.
May Ut3 for maths be easy.
Not much probability.
can?

and my eyes are burning.
Sleepless Night.
One more to go after maths.
Introduction to communication.
Working life is so much better!!!

:)

You aint my priority anymore.

2009-08-23T19:46:00.001+08:00

Two days straight of doing Csr.
Yawn. But i felt so lethargic for no apparent reason.
I prefer when it is busy.
Ill get so bored when i have nothing to do.
and yes, ive managed to fast full day for today.
:)

So many things are running in my mind.
But i promise myself to be calm and remain strong.
It is not the time for me to just give up and i never will.
But instead, ive promised to give my best to all the things in my life.
Im much ready to face the worst and im far far ready to accept new happy moments in my life.
There are others who are less unfortunate than me.
Im contented with what i have.
Never will i take what i have for granted ever again.
But ill only give the best of me to those who can accept my worst.
Not ever anymore to those who will leave me when im in my disastrous state.
Ill forgive and keep giving chances but don't ever think you can take advantage of my kindness.

From today onwards.
My priorities are myself,
My family,
My studies,
My ph family,
My besties,
My boyfy.

These are NOT in orders.
Im tired of being there for others.
When others are not there for me.
Im tired of sacrificing for others when
all i got in return, its their bullshit.
I dont even want a return, i just want my sacrifices to be appreciated.
Why is it so hard?
I wonder.
Im not refering to any specific people.
Im just doing my reflection.
If you think, you are one of them.
Then, you are.
:)

Im nt mean, im just being direct.

Dont wanna try no more.

2009-08-23T03:10:00.000+08:00

Don't try.
Do it.
If u just saying, u will try.
U are not going to take any actions.
It is just words, useless.
DO IT!
:)

And i know, im insane.
Look at time, yet i am not asleep.
tomorrow will be working at 12 pm.
My Dark Rings are all back again.
But I feel contented right now.
One day of fasting makes me so calm.

Work has been great with those mates of mine.
but i just got to find out, one of the managers is leaving us.
He's transfering to other outlet.
My favourite manager.
Im so pissed with the upper management.
Cant they take some other managers from other outlets?
-_-.
i need a miracle right now.
pls. pls. pls.

And i hate my situation with him right now.
Im super suffocating.
Why can't some people just leave me alone?
Why you girls care so much about what is going on in my life?
Why add me up in msn, follow my life through my blogs just to see how my relationship with him going on?
(to be direct, you girls are hoping his relationship with me wil fail as he has hurt you girls in the past aint it?)
Why cant you girls just mind your own fcukin' business?
He hurt you, NOT ME.
so please, dont care too much about my life.
I need my own space to breathe.
I need somewhere to write down what i feel.
I need someone to call my own.
Im just like any normal girl, like you too.
I dont disturb yours, so why are you intruding my life?
I just don't get it.
Come on.
Stop being pathetic, self-centred and selfish.
Not as if, you girls have never done any mistakes.

Thanksforleavingmewhenidontwantyoutoo.
Thanksforaddinguptothehatredyouvebuiltinmyheart.
Idontknowwhatelsetodo.
Allineedisyoutobewithme.
Gothroughthiswithme.
Butendingup,listeningtoyousayingyouwanttoleaveme.
Byleavingme,illbehappyandillgobacktothelifeiwishillhave.
younonsense.
youknowimunhappywithoutyou.
youdontknowmeatall
YOUREALLYDONT.
i hate this.

Listen to me.

2009-08-18T02:35:00.001+08:00

Blogger is so _____.
I cant upload pictures.
-_0

Days have been _______.
Due to my pms.
Maybe it is just not my luck.
Im so stressed up, exams are around the corner.
and so many things I need to catch up.
I hate mugging but I really have no choice.
Sleepless Nights Again till next Tuesday.

Ifeellikekillingmyselfrightnow,youknow.
Ihatemugging.itsucks.
Butimsolookingforwardtoholiday.
Iwanttowork.
Imissworkingwithbunchofgreatpeople.
Andicantwaitforhariraya.
Imlame.
Haventfastyet,thinkingofharirayaalready.
Stop it. :)

Im tired but look, i cant sleep.
Im staring at my laptop screen.
Trying to do my revision.
Webcaming and chating with boyfriend as usual.
Goodness, when are my eyes going to get sleepy?
-_-

As for today.
My plan is I am going to school's library.
Continue with my revision.
Going to skip tmr maths module.
It is not going to help at all if I come.
I need to buck up through Ut3.
My daily grades are all like __________.
Shall not talk about academic anymore.
Adding up to my level stress only.

I bloghopping and I read an old friend's blog.
Well, what she has blogged are all facts about boy/men.
In my opinion too.

As a couple.
A boy always promised many things but ending up, breaking it all.
What he will do are all the opposite of what he has promised.
Irony aint it? Simply irritating.
A boy will say he loves the girl so much but ending up, he hurts her so much.
Again, it is irony.
A boy says he will only be there for this girl, only her.
But in the end, not just her, many other girls.
A boy says he is telling the truth.
But in the end, it is not the truth, the truth has been twisted around.
A boy says his eyes are only on his girl.
But then, why are his eyes looking at some other girls?
A boy says his girl is his special one.
But then, why call other girls the same endearment and the same treatment that his girl gets?
A boy says the most beautiful memories are with his current girlfy,
but then why is he still talking about his past memories with his ex girlfys?
A boy says he will not do the same mistakes after he has been forgiven,
but then, why is it always happening again and over again?
So anyone, care to explain to me why is this so?
cos i dont understand boys at all.
SERIOUS-lee.

These are only my thoughts.
If youre unhappy, thats your business.
Not mine.
:) thank you for reading.

Happy, happy!

2009-08-13T00:21:00.005+08:00

After 2 days of being single, i know this sounds crazy.

But we are back together again.
Countless of breakups and patches.
But let's all hope, this will be the last patchup.
Cos if I ever give up and ask for a breakup again, that's my last straw.
Things happen for a reason.

I'll make things clear in my blog.
Im worst than my boyfy.
We both have a background of a player.
I'm not decent and innocent as all his exs and scandals think I am.
I'm a heartbreaker, I give hope to other guys just to break their heart in the end.
And the worst is I used to be intimate with other guys as well.
Yes, thats me.
Im worse than boyfy.
Boyfy doesnt search for my short comings.
I search for his like no one business.
He has made mistakes and I make it a big deal.
When I did mistake, he just kept silent, smiled and the next day, he would be fine.
He will never bring it up again but I will bring up his mistakes almost everyday.
I shoot directly at him, to the max, till i said, " You are such a cheap guy! You don't deserve to have my late boyfy's looks."
Yes, thats me.
He never gave up on me anymore thou i keep makin mistakes.
But ill give up on him on the slightest mistake that he has done.
He has stopped himself from all the temptation he has as a player.
But me, still in the process of learning.
I blogged this to give justice to him. to be fair to him.
Im worst than he is. and thats the truth.
Im sorry.

boyfy.
i dont care whats the truth anymore.
if it is really the truth, i deserve this.
ive done worse than what youve done.
we hurt each other enough.
i take this as a lesson learnt.
i hope you too will.
we have enuf moments of folly.
let's try to be like a normal couple.
i love you, boyfy.
and i know you love me too.
lets put a fullstop to this and make more good changes.
The words on the image above, i dedicated to you.

A life of a player who is trying to change.
Temptation of flirting will always be there in us.
For no reason, sometimes, we just follow the temptation we have.
But again, we really dont mean it.
It is just a moment of folly.
We may be flirting around the whole day
but at the end of the day, we return to our partners' arms.
:)

update for yesterday.
I bought e63, red colour.
thanks to daddy, lil sys and boyfy for accompany-ing me.
Things are getting better for me, I can sense it.
my needs are all fulfilled alr.
rebond my hair.
get a new phone.
treat boyfy.
treat family.
treat friends.
My life is so blessful.
and Im happy the way i am now.

-_-

2009-08-12T14:37:00.000+08:00

I'm so fickle-minded.
I don't know what I want.
:(

Shit Happens.

2009-08-12T12:03:00.004+08:00

Moving On Is The Hardest Thing I Have To Do.

Shits happened again.

Im so NOT organised.

Im messy.

My eyebags are worse than before.

My stomach is in pain due to stomach wind.

Ive lose my appetite.

Im such in a disastrous state.

Im not emo-ing.

Im just trying hard to get over this.

This morning.

Someone told me off.

and i dont know he has a husband and two child.

Why is it my fault when he is the one disturbs me?

-_-.

and i bought my mates breakfast.

i forgot many things.

see, IM SO IN A DISASTROUS state.

thanks to those who cheer me up.

aqmar, for hearing my cry whole nite.

nelly, for sms-ing me to comfort me.

kiky and noor, for the fun we had yesterday.

hamyzan, thomman, diyanah and all mates in w45d, for making me laugh like no one business.

hafizah, for giving me the strength.

thank you so much, peeps. :)

imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.

iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.

butistillgottamoveon.

thispainistoomuchformetoendure.

Give me strength to move on.

2009-08-12T01:19:00.007+08:00

and she's hurting inside.

I knew we both made mistakes.

Stupid, silly mistakes.

But ive changed for you, for us.

Bby, what have i done to deserve this?

Hours have passed and Im still crying.

It hurts so much, so much for me to forget it.

You've been my daily life for more than 17 months.

Ive never loved someone this much.

And I need you more than anything.

All i see now is darkness. Im alone, im afraid, im insecured.

Im lost without you. but I have no choice.

Ive been waiting for you to change. In the journey, I hurt myself too much.

Now, ive lose faith in myself. Ive lose all the strength to keep guiding you.

Ive lose all that i used to have when you are still by my side, in my heart.

Am I so imperfect that i dont deserve your love at all?

Am I not worth of you at all?

Baby, tell me. Am i?

If you still want to flirt, why get into a relationship?

If you dont want to be commited, why do you stay with me for so long?

If to you dont know how to uphold a promise, why make one?

If you want to hurt me, why do u bring my hopes so high just to crush it in the end?

If you dont love me, why do u say u do?

I badly need strength.

Im not strong enough to move on.

I need him.

Why must this happen now?

Im not okayy.

Im really not okayy.

My focus is gone.

Totally gone.

I hate this.

I really do.

This lyric Is For You.

o3.o3.08 to 11.08.09.

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories, they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

Even without fists held high, yeah

Never would have worked out right, yeah

We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out

I didn't come here to hurt you now

I can't stop
I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And i want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But i want you to move on

So i'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder

But i know that you'll find another

That doesn't always make you wanna cry

Started with a perfect kiss

Then we could feel the poison set in

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that i love you so

I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And i want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But i want you to move on

So i'm already gone
I'm already gone

I'm already gone

You can't make it feel right

When you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone

Already gone

There's no moving on

So i'm already gone
Already gone

Already gone

Already gone, oooo, oh

Already gone

Already gone, yeah
Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories, they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And i want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But i want you to move on

So i'm already gone
I'm already gone

I'm already gone

You can't make it feel right

When you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone

Already gone

There's no moving on

So i'm already gone...

Good Afternoon.

2009-08-10T15:20:00.003+08:00

i know my boyfy is kental. so im adapting to it. hehe!

Yesterday.
Went to City hall with boyfy.
pss: aku pergi bkn nk tgk firework tapi nak tgk manusia2 pat situ. LOL.
Crowded with YP.
I don't mind the crowd. I don't mind being pushed.
I would push back too.
But what the hell, i was being stared at for nothing when they were the ones pushing me first.
so-the-fanatic.
Attitude-so-not-needed-here= Perangai Sungguh Tak Perlu.
Luckily, it was National Day. If it wasn't National Day, i would not forgive these freakin idiots.
Met nana and company, a lil chat with her and proceed to Pasir Ris with boyfy.
His lil cousin's berfday chalet.
Stay down there till 2am, waited for his dad to wake up.
and home sweet home around 3+am.

Im proud of boyfy for having the courage to finally call my mum and asked for her permission to bring me out till so late. Suprisingly, my mum allowed him to do so. Good Job Boyfy, youre changing to be a responsible boyfy alr. I love you. *claps for you*. EXCELLENT JOB. LOL.

uncle aunty.
thank you for sending me home. sorry for troubling you. :)

And yes, someone birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NURUL SYAKIRAH.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!.

Hope youll find a boyfy soon, youre alr 11 yrs old.
:) lol, what type of sister am i.

be back to update more soon.
blogger gilerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
dan aku tak suke.....................

1st Entry.

2009-08-10T03:50:00.001+08:00

I'll be back again tmr to update.
I'm not okay right now.
SORRY!